Humility

dad impressed and challenged me this morning.

i've been using my parents car the last few days while one of ours is in the garage getting fixed.

this morning i picked dad up for breakfast. i got in the passenger side so that dad could drive me to the cafe.

even though i had just driven for 30 minutes to pick up dad, the car wouldn't start when dad turned the key. the engine just kept turning over. 

dad said it happened every now and again with that car... and with a bit of rest, it will start perfectly again... so we sat in the car waiting.

he tried to start the about 5 or so times with the same result.

then he said to me "why don't we swap seats and you have a go?".

i got in the drivers seat, turned the key and the car fired up like there was nothing wrong.

reflecting on this... it took a lot of humility for dad to leave the drivers seat and give his daughter a go.

i think i would struggle to pass up my place in the drivers seat - because i would just think "i can do this myself & i don't need help".  i wouldn't want to be shown up by someone else.  but that sort of attitude is full of pride.

dad showed me what it looks like to be humble, and god used it to gently convict me of my own pride...

i saw that the practise of humility was an endearing and attractive quality

dad's pretty much an inspiration

are blogs around because mostly it feels like there is no one around that we feel comfortable enough to talk to?

and yet there is this longing within everyone to be listened to, to be understood, to be heard.

this is where i find myself today. 

there are other reasons i have to create a blog - i want other people to hear what i hear... sometimes what i hear seems to me, to be poignant and profound.

but today... my reason for blogging is because it feels like there is no one i can talk to, no one i can trust, no one who could possibly understand. 

somedays i wonder what it would like to walk away from the all the choices and commitments i have made so far and start again... but thats not really what i want or need... and that certainly won't "make things better".  the grass ain't greener.

i only wonder this because i want to gain some contol over my life - a life which at the moment feels like its running away from me faster than i can keep up with.  control is an illusion and trying to gain it is futile... 

i listened to a mars hill podcast this morning about going through resurrection rather than resuscitation when something dies... resurrection creates something new and the old goes... resuscitation is bringing back to life what once was and nothing changes.

both resuscitation and resurrection involve a dieing off process, which is painful and hard - but only new life is found in resurrection, new life is not found in going back to where i once was...

is it possible that resurrection could happen in every circumstance...?  no, because ultimately circumstances "working out" for me isn't what resurrection is about - resurrection is an internal thing - living out the new life i have been given regardless of circumstance.

i long for that contentment and joy that transcends circumstance - i want to learn to live in it.  i don't want to be tossed by around by changes in the wind.